What is Self-Care and Why is it Important?
If you come to me for therapy, whether it’s individual or couples counseling, you’ll likely hear me ask about your self-care practices. Many of my clients aren’t sure exactly what I mean by self-care and what all can qualify, so I’d like to give a little more information and explain why it’s so important.
If you’re attending therapy, or even reading this blog, you are likely working on some pretty significant goals or dealing with some pretty big stressors. Self-care is important because it helps us feel relaxed, centered, and more of who we are. It helps us respond from a place of compassion and empathy because we’ve taken the time to help ourselves be whole. It helps us have the mental space to solve problems and listen to the people we care about. It helps us live fuller lives.
So, what is self-care exactly? Self-care is anything we do to intentionally care for our minds, bodies, and spirits. This can come in the form of setting boundaries, journaling while sipping a cup of tea, talking to a friend, creating art, or practicing meditation. It comes in many other forms, too! The point is to find ways to take care of yourself, of your own needs. Do something daily that makes your soul happy.
Dispelling the Myth that True Love Should Come Easy
I often hear people say things like “If it’s meant to be, marriage/sex/love should come naturally.” There are many messages in our culture that elude to this notion, from fairy tales to poetry. And often, in the beginning, it does. It’s understandable why so many buy into this myth. Passion, sex, and connection can sometimes flow easily, especially early on in a relationship.
The truth is, couples can be completely compatible and have conflict. Two people who are “meant to be” can still experience rough patches, feelings of disconnection, and awkward sex. It happens all the time to well-paired people who care deeply about each other. I like to think of the marital satisfaction trajectory as “bumpy”. There are really great times where couples feel super close and in love, and other times when they realize there’s work that needs to be done.
We tend to tell ourselves all kinds of things when we hit a bump with the person we love the most. Especially when we can’t figure out how to get to a better place with our partner. But believing that “true love shouldn’t be this hard” or that “if it’s this much work, it’s not meant to be” is a disservice to your marriage. It’s ok to struggle in relationships. If you need support, we’re here to help.