If you find yourself feeling disconnected from your partner and longing to know what’s going on inside for them, a connection ritual can help. There are many reasons we miss each other day to day, from focusing on the things that need to get done to avoiding arguments, but taking the time to talk with each other in this way can help you feel close and more at ease with the person you love. Here’s how to do it…
Pick a time that will work most days to spend a few minutes on this ritual. Decide together on how much time you’d like to spend on this and feel free to make changes if you’d like. When it’s your time to share, speak about your own experience, without criticizing or invalidating your partner. The goal is to connect and share openly, so try to validate your partner’s feelings and experiences when they share without trying to fix anything (unless they specifically ask for help with it). Try to let go of any expectations or pressure to do anything with the information shared. Instead, view it as an opportunity to know and understand your partner better.
Ask each other these questions in any order you’d like:
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What was great about today?
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What sucked about today?
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Here’s something I really appreciate about you today…
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What kind of affection feels right to show each other today?
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What’s something you want me to know about you today?
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One thing I love about you is…
Of course, this is just one example of a connection ritual. Feel free to change the questions so they fit for you both or make up your own ritual. The important thing is to have some time each day to see and care for each other’s vulnerable side and to feel understood and in it together.
