I often hear people say things like “If it’s meant to be, marriage/sex/love should come naturally.” There are many messages in our culture that elude to this notion, from fairy tales to poetry. And often, in the beginning, it does. It’s understandable why so many buy into this myth. Passion, sex, and connection can sometimes flow easily, especially early on in a relationship.
The truth is, couples can be completely compatible and have conflict. Two people who are “meant to be” can still experience rough patches, feelings of disconnection, and awkward sex. It happens all the time to well-paired people who care deeply about each other. I like to think of the marital satisfaction trajectory as “bumpy”. There are really great times where couples feel super close and in love, and other times when they realize there’s work that needs to be done.
We tend to tell ourselves all kinds of things when we hit a bump with the person we love the most. Especially when we can’t figure out how to get to a better place with our partner. But believing that “true love shouldn’t be this hard” or that “if it’s this much work, it’s not meant to be” is a disservice to your marriage. It’s ok to struggle in relationships. If you need support, we’re here to help.
