Many believe the differences between guilt and shame are minor. Some will even use the words interchangeably. Though the definitions may be close and the distinctions in the written form seem quite subtle, there are several clear differences that make one a catalyst and the other a trap.
Guilt is based on actions (or lack there of) and shame, on the other hand, is more of a personal attribute or description of self.
Lets explore what this means in every day life.
It was Charley’s 6th birthday and you were lat
e to his party and missed the birthday song and you are his favorite Aunt. It is likely that you would feel guilt because you wanted to be there for him and other life things got in the way.
In a different scenario, after the party, Charley tells you that you are not there for him and you should go find some one else’s life to ruin. A person who suffers from shame may leave that typical 6-year-old tantrum feeling devastated because they are the disappointment and worry they have caused irreparable damage.
The guilt of missing the party, to continue with the same metaphor, could encourage you to be on time for future events, or possibly take Charley for special time alone with his favorite aunt. You would then repair the “damage” made by your tardiness and then you could move forward with your loving relationship with Charley.
In the shame scenario, it is extraordinarily difficult to recover from “irreparable damage” caused by being the
disappointment. If you are the cause of such devastation, then why would anyone want to be around you? Shame can prevent you from addressing the concern with Charley. It can make you quietly suffer alone…because you are punishing yourself for being so terrible. How could you hold your head high and walk into any room while holding onto the shame that prevents you from confessing your mistakes. It becomes internal in a way that is not useful. It causes pain that can manifest and contribute to other mental health challenges.
The nature of shame can have a negative effect, which can contribute to feelings of worthlessnessaffecting interpersonal relationships.
Guilt can be healthy and useful as a catalyst for change in relationships. With the change, the guilt fades and no longer affects the relationship.
There is help to overcome the feelings of being the problem in the environments in which you live. Working to uncover the core concerns that make you doubt the value you bring to each person in your life, can make your life a little easier to live.
Start today…Call a Cura Therapist.
Many believe the differences between guilt and shame are minor. Some will even use the words interchangeably. Though the definitions may be close and the distinctions in the written form seem quite subtle, there are several clear differences that make one a catalyst and the other a trap.
Guilt is based on actions (or lack there of) and shame, on the other hand, is more of a personal attribute or description of self.
Lets explore what this means in every day life.
It was Charley’s 6th birthday and you were late to his party and missed the birthday song and you are his favorite Aunt. It is likely that you would feel guilt because you wanted to be there for him and other life things got in the way.
In a different scenario, after the party, Charley tells you that you are not there for him and you should go find some one else’s life to ruin. A person who suffers from shame may leave that typical 6-year-old tantrum feeling devastated because they are the disappointment and worry they have caused irreparable damage.
The guilt of missing the party, to continue with the same metaphor, could encourage you to be on time for future events, or possibly take Charley for special time alone with his favorite aunt. You would then repair the “damage” made by your tardiness and then you could move forward with your loving relationship with Charley.
In the shame scenario, it is extraordinarily difficult to recover from “irreparable damage” caused by being the disappointment. If you are the cause of such devastation, then why would anyone want to be around you? Shame can prevent you from addressing the concern with Charley. It can make you quietly suffer alone…because you are punishing yourself for being so terrible. How could you hold your head high and walk into any room while holding onto the shame that prevents you from confessing your mistakes. It becomes internal in a way that is not useful. It causes pain that can manifest and contribute to other mental health challenges.
The nature of shame can have a negative effect, which can contribute to feelings of worthlessness affecting interpersonal relationships.
Guilt can be healthy and useful as a catalyst for change in relationships. With the change, the guilt fades and no longer affects the relationship.
There is help to overcome the feelings of being the problem in the environments in which you live. Working to uncover the core concerns that make you doubt the value you bring to each person in your life, can make your life a little easier to live.
Start today…Call a Cura Therapist.
