The other day, my husband and I were watching TV, the NBA Finals if I’m not mistaken, and a commercial for a new show came on. The show was called The Proposal; the tagline? “A love story in 1 hour.” The show seems to be a type of pageant, wherein the contestants compete in various categories for the ultimate prize of being proposed to by their “soul mate” at the end of the one-hour episode.
Now, I’ve long-since lost hope in the quality of many programs on TV today, but something about this particular concept really struck me. The contestants of the show were reportedly looking for a true soul-mate, and would find themselves engaged to be married within one TV-hour of “meeting” said potential mate… the commercial left me not only confused, but pondering: “when did this become what marriage is about?”
It could probably be assumed that the engagements or marriages that shows like this produce are less-than authentic, and rarely (if ever) work out. And while this particular example is an extreme case, I could imagine that the mere fact that shows like this exist, and that there are thousands of people seeking to be contestants may suggest that there is something askew in our societies concept of marriage and what is necessary to produce one that lasts- and the point is to have one that lasts. While many traditional views on marriage may not be as widely held as they once were, I hope the “forever” sentiment is still alive and well, regardless of whom the marriage is between. And if that is indeed the point, I think it’s important to enter the marriage giving it the best chance of success possible… and in most cases, that means you’re going to need longer than one hour!
Each relationship/ engagement/ marriage is different, and couples end up together under myriad circumstances, but regardless of how it happens, or even how quickly it happens, there are a few factors on the front-end that may help aid in the longevity of the relationship. Some of these factors include things like having a positive and open communication style with one another, being compatible, being able to resolve conflict effectively and having realistic expectations- of one another, and the relationship. It’s also important for the couple to have a secure bond, to be able to trust and rely on one another, and to connect/ open up emotionally.
There is no one factor that can predict how successful or long lasting a relationship may be, especially if two people are committed to each other “for better or worse.” But being aware of some of the important areas in the relationship may help in letting you know if you’re on the right track, or if you may need to take some time and focus on a particular area that needs growth. And don’t be afraid, if you’ve already said yes, or even I do and you don’t feel like these areas are strengths in your relationship, it’s never too late!
Couples’ therapists are specially trained to help couples identify and work through their challenges by building skills in needy areas, and creating the space to deepen the bond in the relationship. Remember, regardless of how a couple may find their way together or down the aisle, the relationship that lasts is the one composed of 2 people willing to work for it.
