When Someone Pushes Our Buttons

I spend a significant amount of time helping clients understand their “buttons” or “triggers”. We all have them and we all know how to push the buttons of our loved ones. I enjoy helping people identify, monika-rams-1206775-unsplash

understand, and care for these triggers. I find that this frees them up to handle conflict in a way that feels genuine and productive.

An important aspect of the button pushing conversation is the recognition that we are responsible for how we handle it when it’s pushed. But how do we gain control over our responses when it seems like our reaction is automatic? Here are some steps to take…

Identify your triggers and reactions. Make a list if you need to.
How do you feel when this button gets pushed? Go deeper than the anger or frustration. Maybe you feel sad, alone, disconnected, inadequate? Ask this question for each trigger.
When has this come up for you in the past? Go back as far as you can remember.
What will help you care for this trigger and help you respond, instead of react, when it comes up? Maybe meditation, taking some time to yourself, taking a deep breath, or calmly acknowledging it when it’s activated?

This seems like a pretty straight-forward list, but this is painful, messy stuff we’re talking about. A therapist can help you sort through all of this, whether you come in for individual, family, or couples therapy. We’re trained to walk with you down this path and to help you find your way to healing and self-acceptance. Awareness and compassion towards yourself are the first steps.

Allison O'Brien, LMFT