Recently, I went onto Facebook to catch up on pop culture and check in with people I rarely speak to in “real” life. I ended up focused more on the many video segments posted by friends showing the emoticon-evoking antics of cute kids, demonstrations of love between elderly couples, inclusive activities of people with special needs, and of course puppies.
As if by design, my flood gate was breached. I had every range of emotion in a matter of moments. I shed tears of joy and sadness, tears of pride, hurt and humility. I was a bit taken aback at how I could be touched by every video, so I paused to assess what was really going on with me and what it meant.
Now granted, as a woman, sure sometimes when I “feel deeply” it is indeed hormonal. But that is not always the case, sometimes I just feel… deeply. And I’m good with that. Actually, I prefer it to the alternative.
What I realized that day is that I do not live in isolation, unaffected by the perils, resilience, triumphs and tragedies of my circle, my society, my world-I am connected to it.
I began to imagine a life with no tears. I imagine an intense void, hollowness, an abyss of emotionless disconnect from others, but most importantly from oneself. Sadly, too many of us live in this abyss, unable to connect or empathize with the ones we say we love.
As a relationship therapist, my job is to facilitate connection between people. As an aspiring Emotionally Focused Therapist, my goal is to engage people in refining their emotional connection to one another. More often than I ever expected, I meet couples in which one person is unwilling (or unable) to be in touch with that part of her/himself that feels deeply let alone connect with that part of their mate.
When confronted by the therapeutic process, some explain the disconnection in terms of family modeling. “I never saw my parents cry, show intimacy, or comfort each other.” No wonder their partner’s bids for intimacy, emotional expression or just simple understanding falls on deaf ears. Some of us just do not know how to reach back.
